


Lovemark

by bel_halliwell



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22911319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bel_halliwell/pseuds/bel_halliwell
Summary: Lena first remembers learning about lovemarks when she was four, tucked in bed while her father told her the story of meeting her mother for the first time and their marks forming as their hands met in the middle of a cab. At four, Lena longs for the day she gets her own mark.Stef didn’t learn about lovemarks when she reached kindergarten. She’d once made the mistake of asking her mother about the mark. Sharon had pursed her lips, and quickly changed the subject. At five, Stef hopes she never has to face the heartbreak of a mark.Soulmate/lovemark AU, set when Brandon is five.
Relationships: Lena Adams Foster/Stef Adams Foster
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Lovemark

Lena first remembers learning about lovemarks when she was around three or four years old. She remembers being tucked in bed by her father, and running her tiny fingers over the black streak on his wrist as he told her the story of meeting her mother. She loved hearing this story, loved hearing how they both reached for the door to a cab at the same time, ended up sharing, and their marks appeared as their hands brushed over the middle seat. Her father would chuckle as Lena would check her own wrists for marks. He’d tell her she’d have to wait at least a good few years before she’d get her own marks, and she’d fall asleep with dreams of happiness and her own lovemark. 

At four, Lena is a dreamer.

\--

Stef didn’t learn about lovemarks when she reached kindergarten. Her teacher had a strong, dark mark - much very different to the light grey, barely visible marks on her parents wrists. She’d once made the mistake of asking her mother about the mark. Sharon had pursed her lips, and quickly changed the subject. Stef had been too nervous to ask her teacher, but from what she could glean from the other kids in her class, the darker the mark, the more in love two people were. At night, Stef would hear her parents argue, and she’d absently rub at her own pale, mark-free wrists. She hoped she would never get a lovemark, not if this was how it would turn out. 

At five, Stef is a realist.

__

As the years pass, Lena earns her share of lovemarks on her wrist. She longs to find someone that would leave a mark as strong as the black mark gracing her parents wrists, which leads to her giving her heart away a little more easily than others did to her. She had known pretty early on that she was gay, yet that didn’t stop her. Several times over, however, she’d find herself crying in bed, her father patting her on the back and telling her one day the right girl would come along. Instead, she’d get her heart broken again, nothing but memories and another faded mark on her wrist. Several times, she had fallen for a straight girl, who was experimenting, or certain at the time that they were gay as well, but it wouldn’t last.

She really thinks it would be different though, when she meets Gretchen in her senior year of college. She bonds quickly with her, and as Gretchen was also an out and proud lesbian, she feels a big sense of security and comfort that was missing from most of her previous relationships, and it shows in the darkness of their marks - not as strong as Lena’s parents marks, admittedly, but she figured that time would take care of that.

Around the twenty month mark of their relationship, Lena comes home to the apartment they got together after finishing college. Dropping her bag by the table in the kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and settled down at the kitchen table. She rifled through the mail, and pulled out a bright yellow envelope.

“What’s that, babe?” Gretchen asks as she enters the kitchen.

“Kelly and Jenna invited us to their baby shower,” she tells her, holding up the invite.

“Ugh, no thanks,” Gretchen replies with a grimace.

Lena raises her eyebrows in surprise, glancing over at her girlfriend. “You don’t want to go?”

Gretchen emphatically shakes her head. “Babies, and kids, yeah, not my thing. At all. That’s a hard pass for me.”

“Well, it’s a baby shower, there won’t actually be any babies or kids there,” Lena points out.

Gretchen replies with another head shake, and glances in the fridge. “No food,” she declares. “I think that means we should go out for dinner instead. Italian, perhaps?”

Lena nods, and silently watches Gretchen waltz out of the kitchen. 

__

Lena mulls over that brief conversation for a few days, before it finally gets to be too much for her to keep to herself. She comes home from school on Friday afternoon, and sees Gretchen relaxing on the couch with a magazine and a bottle of wine.

“Hey, can we talk?” she asks, settling down on the loveseat opposite Gretchen.

“Sure. Want some wine?” Gretchen asks, lazily nudging the bottle closer on the coffee table.

Lena ignores it. “When we were talking about Kelly and Jenna’s baby shower the other day,” she starts, “did you really mean it, that you don’t like kids?”

“Yeah, why?” Gretchen replies. She doesn’t seem to catch the serious notes in Lena’s voice.

Lena bites her lip. “What about in the future. Do you ever see yourself wanting to have kids?”

This gets Gretchen’s attention, and she lowers her magazine. “Don’t go getting all maternal on me, Lena,” she says. “We’re only twenty four. We’re way too young to be thinking about kids.”

“I know, and I’m not saying I want kids this minute,” Lena says. “But I need to know if in the future, that’s something you might consider.”

Gretchen eyes her for a moment, then drains the last of the wine from her glass. “Honestly? No. I’m not interested in the whole traditional lifestyle. I don’t want to have any kids, and I don’t want to raise kids either. I don’t want to be tied down the rest of my life. I want to be free to travel, or focus on a career, or take chances. We can’t do that with kids.”

As Gretchen speaks, Lena can almost sense the black on her tally mark fading. “Traditional lifestyle? Would that include marriage as well?”

“First of all, that doesn’t even matter, because gay marriage isn’t even legal,” Gretchen counters. She sighs at Lena’s serious expression. “But honestly, even if it suddenly did become legal? I really don’t think I’d want to. I love you, Lena, but I love our life the way it is.”

Lena sits quietly for a moment, absorbing this. She finally nods, and heads out of the lounge room to her bedroom. As she heads down the hall, she glances at her wrist. 

The lovemark for Gretchen has already muted to a dull grey. 

She knew it wasn’t because she suddenly stopped loving Gretchen, but because her heart had realized that this was a relationship with no future. Above all, Lena had dreamed of a big family, lots of kids that she and her future wife would care for and love. And if Gretchen had no interest in that, then Lena didn’t think she could re-align her dreams and still be happy.

Two weeks later, Lena finds herself unlocking the door to her new apartment. Her break up with Gretchen had been surprisingly painless (“Honestly Lena, I kind of knew this was coming after we had that conversation about kids,” Gretchen had told her with a rueful smile. “You’ll find someone who wants the same as you one day, I’m sure of it.”). She’s sad about it the thought of breaking up with Gretchen, however the night before she does so, she finds out through a mutual friend that Gretchen was likely sleeping around - a fact that sealed the deal.

Lena steels herself and throws herself into her new position as the assistant vice principal at Anchor Beach Charter, and does her best to ignore the faded reminder of another failed relationship amongst the scattering of other faded marks on her wrist. And as the year passes, and turns into the next, she guards her heart more closely. No new marks appear on her wrists, and as the months tick by, she notices the old ones less and less.

___

Stef’s life has quite a few less lovemarks than that of Lena’s. Her first mark comes from her high school best friend Tess. After a week of seeing each other in class, they’re paired together for a science lab. Stef feels the tingle of the mark appear as she talks to Tess over their textbooks.

After the way her parents relationship was going - many nights of arguing and silent treatments - Stef isn’t sure what to think of her mark. She doesn’t really believe in the magic of lovemarks, and hadn’t expected to get one so soon. She doesn’t think she wants to get involved while still at school.

And the other key factor? She isn’t gay. At least, she doesn’t think she is.

As her friendship with Tess deepens, Stef tries to convince herself that the mark is a platonic one, that she loves Tess like a friend, nothing more. She doesn’t let her mind entertain the thought of anything more - her dad makes it incredibly clear that anything more would not be tolerated. So Stef represses any thoughts along those lines, rationalizing everything she does (“Most friends cuddle together,” she tells herself as she and Tess watch a movie together, trying hard to focus on the television screen and not on the feel of her best friend pressed against her, one hand resting on Stef’s thigh.). 

In the end, it doesn’t even matter. Stef’s father catches her and Tess cuddling on the couch, and despite nothing else happening, he forbids Stef from seeing her again and forces her to go to church and to talk to ministers. Stef’s left with a wedge in her relationship with her father, a hatred of the church, but still has that small dark tally.

That isn’t to last. Several weeks later, she finally manages to get a moment alone with Tess.

“I know we’re not supposed to see each other anymore,” Stef tells her, “but I don’t care. We have these for a reason, and it’s time we finally talk about it.” She holds out her wrist, exposing her tally to Tess, who recoils slightly.

“I don’t know what you think that means,” Tess finally manages. “But it means nothing to me. I don’t feel like that towards you. I think your dad is right, we shouldn’t see each other.” She walks away, leaving Stef with a heart of pain and a quickly fading mark.

It’s not until she joins the force that Stef gets her next lovemark. Mike is friendly and easygoing and Stef feels more comfortable with him than she has with anyone in a long time. They fall into a relationship together, and although her tally mark for him is never quite as dark as the mark he wears for her, and it’s rarely her who initiates any kind of physical contact, he simply goes along with it and takes what he can get of her.

Stef knows, deep down, that she doesn’t feel for Mike in the same way that she felt for Tess. They don’t have sex often, but when they do, Stef finds herself feeling vaguely awkward and uncomfortable. Facing what that all means though, is too difficult though, so she does her best to be happy in this life.

A bottle of whiskey and the backseat of Mike’s car leads to Stef falling pregnant and giving birth to Brandon. Mike’s thrilled he has a boy, and and she absolutely loves her son. It’s almost enough for her to feel complete.

Almost.

Not long after Brandon turns five, Stef really starts considering herself and her happiness. Mike’s never asked her about her two lovemarks, nor has she ever asked him about the four on his own wrist, but she catches him a few times staring hard at his mark on her wrist, almost comparing its lighter shade to the darkness of her mark on his wrist. He never says anything about it, but she starts noticing him drinking a little more, staying out after work a little longer.

Eventually, while Brandon’s at preschool and they both have a rare day off together, Stef sits Mike down at the table. She tells him that she’s not happy, and she doesn’t think he is either, and that they need a separation to really work out what each of them need in order to be happy. She’s surprised when he agrees without much fuss, but appreciative of his willingness to give her some breathing room. He moves out, leaving her to stay in their house with Brandon, and she really tries to take the time to focus on her son, and herself. Her heart.

___

A month into her separation, Stef sits on a bench outside Anchor Beach Charter School. It’s sunny and warm, and although she’s irritated that Mike chose not to come to check the school out to get Brandon enrolled, he did offer to take him for the coming weekend so she could have some time to herself. She’s looking forward to that - it’s been far too long.

“Hi, I’m Lena Adams, the Assistant Vice Principal,” a voice says, and Stef turns to see a beautiful woman, hand extended.

Stef rises to her feet. “Hi, I’m Stef Foster,” she replies.

She reaches out to shake Lena’s hand. The moment their hands touch, a spark of electricity races though them. Their eyes lock, both women gazing at each other, and it’s a long moment before they pull apart, smiling nervously.

“So..your son,” Lena begins.

“Brandon,” Stef supplies. 

“Brandon, right. He’ll be starting kindergarten this fall?” Lena asks.

“Yes. He’s five,” Stef confirms.

“Great,” says Lena. “Well, I would be glad to give you a tour, and tell you about our school. Are we waiting for your husband?”

The question throws Stef off for a moment. “Uh, no, he’s not, uh...he couldn’t make it,” she stammers out. 

Lena smiles, nods. “Okay. Well, um, follow me.”

Lena turns away, and Stef draws a slow breath before following, trying to calm her nerves. She wonders if Lena felt that instant connection as well, or if it was all in her head.

She doesn’t notice Lena rubbing at her wrist, a bold black tally mark peeking through her fingers.

___

Lena watches Stef get into her car and pull away, waving after her. Once the car is out of sight, she releases a slow breath, as her eyes immediately dart to her wrist.

There’s a fresh lovemark there, bold against all the others on her skin. She thinks it’s even darker than the one she used to have for Gretchen, back when she actually loved her. She traces it lightly with her fingertips, and sighs. She misses having that connection with someone, with the feeling of being loved and being in love. She wants that again, she really does. But to have a mark for a woman that’s married, with a child, and presumably straight? Lena has no idea how that’s going to end.

She’d be lying, though, if she said she wasn’t attracted to Stef.

___

It’s not until Stef is in the shower that evening, that she sees the new lovemark on her wrist. It’s jet black - the darkest mark she’s ever seen, making Mike and Tess’s marks look even paler in comparison.

She stands still under the spray, letting the hot water cascade over her as she stares at the mark, ghosting her fingertips over it. She doesn’t even need to think of who it’s for. 

Lena.

Meeting Lena was a moment she knows she’ll never forget. The spark between them was obvious, and Stef realizes now that what she thought was her sleeve rubbing on her wrist, must have been the mark appearing. Does this mean Lena has a mark for her too? It surely has to, as marks won’t appear for unrequited feelings - so Lena must have a mark. Maybe, Stef thinks, Lena’s looking at her mark right now and is thinking of Stef.

She’s not quite ready to admit to herself what this means, that she’s likely not straight after all those years of trying to convince herself otherwise. She’s also not quite ready to consider what consequences could come of this - namely formally ending her marriage with Mike, or having to come out to her father.

That being said, a fleeting thought runs through her head as she turns the shower off. Does she want to see Lena more? Hug her? Kiss her, even?

Yes, she thinks, blushing just from the thought, and buries her face back under the spray of water.

___

The following week is a busy one for Lena. It’s the final week of the school year, which means Lena has hardly five minutes to relax. She’s looking forward to the following two weeks, where she gets a break from her job, before getting back to work to assist in planning the following school year - class arrangements, staffing, budgets, curriculum planning...she knows it’s going to be a busy summer.

So when Lena wakes up at six in the morning on Saturday, she moans into her pillow. “Lena, you can sleep in now, school’s over,” she groans to herself, but to no avail. Once she’s awake, that’s it for sleeping in.

Sighing, she gets up and pads around her apartment, getting showered and dressed for the day. She has no plans to do anything, but likes the comfort and control of being ready.

Unfortunately, she’s out of coffee. Lena stares into the empty jar with disdain, before shrugging and grabbing her car keys. My two weeks break isn’t off to a good start, she thinks as she drives several blocks away to her favorite cafe. She normally doesn’t go there on a weekend; tending to only swing by before school, but she’s pleased to see that it’s not too busy.

“Hi, may I have a medium latte, and a glass of water?” she asks the barista at the counter.

“Sure, for here or to go?” the man asks back.

“For here,” she tells him, not even needing to consider it. It’s a beautiful day and there’s nothing pressing waiting for her at home, so she may as well enjoy the morning.

She thanks him as he hands her her beverages, and takes them over to the counter to add sugar to her coffee. She sets the coffee down, and is just about to take a sip of water when there’s a large bang from across the cafe. She startles, her water sloshing out of the cup, and right onto the person coming up beside her.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I didn’t meant to spill, I was startled, and - Stef?”

Lena breaks off from her babbling apology, as she finally gets a proper look at the person she spilled water on. It’s Stef Foster, the same beautiful blonde parent that she showed around Anchor Beach last week, and the very woman who’s mark she wore vibrantly on her wrist for.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” Stef reassures her, pulling a few napkins from the dispenser and dabbing at the damp spot on her shirt. “It’s only water, it’ll dry.”

“Mrs Foster, I’m so sorry. There was a noise, and I didn’t see you coming up behind me,” Lena explains. She pulls a few more napkins and offers them to Stef.

“I think one of the staff dropped a milk jug, it startled me too,” Stef tells her with a smile. “Really, it’s fine. And please, call me Stef.”

“Well, can I get you a cup of coffee to make up for it, or something?” Lena offers.

“That’s okay, I’ve got a full cup at my table,” Stef replies, gesturing to a nearby table where there’s a cappuccino and a book sitting. “I just needed more sugar. But if you’re not busy, you can join me?”

Ignoring the rational part of her that’s warning her it’s a bad idea, Lena says yes. She follows Stef to her table, and settles in the seat opposite her.

“So, Ms Adams,” Stef begins, but Lena holds her hand up to cut her off.

“Please, call me Lena,” she tells her.

Stef smiles. “Lena,” she says, relishing the way the name feels in her mouth. “So, has summer vacation started for you?”

“Sort of,” Lena replies. “The school year is over, but my position as an assistant VP is more of a year long role. I do take the first two weeks off, then it’s head down for developing curriculum, and staffing, and budgets and all that fun stuff.”

“That sounds...less exciting,” Stef remarks honestly, and Lena laughs.

“Well, I do enjoy working on the curriculum development,” Lena tells her, “but the budgets are definitely not exciting. And I have to work on those with the VP and the principal, both of whom aren’t the most fun people.”

Stef’s trying really hard to pay attention to what Lena’s saying, but she’s also finding herself getting distracted by minor things, such as the lilt in Lena’s voice, and the curve of her jaw, and how soft her lips look. She has to mentally force herself not to stare at Lena’s lips, and quickly realizes that Lena’s looking at her expectantly.

“I’m sorry, I got distracted for a second, what was that last thing you said?” Stef asks, trying hard not to blush with embarrassment. She really hopes Lena didn’t notice her staring at her lips.

“I asked if Brandon’s excited for school?” Lena repeats.

Stef smiles at the mention of her son. “Very,” Stef tells her. “He goes to preschool right now, but he’s very insistent that he’s ready for Big Kid school. He’s already made me promise to take him shopping for school supplies next week.”

Lena chuckles at this. “Enjoy it now, by the time the kids reach high school, the enthusiasm is definitely decreased. What’s he up to today?”

“Uh, he’s with his father,” Stef tells her. She sees a flicker of questioning on Lena’s face, and elaborates. “His father - Mike, and I have separated. Not a good relationship, and I need time to figure things out, so we’ve taken a break.”

Lena touches Stef on the shoulder for a moment, then pulls away. “You don’t need to tell me this if it’s too personal,” she tries to say, but Stef shakes her head.

“No, it’s fine,” Stef says honestly, albeit slightly surprised at herself. She could barely tell her father that she and Mike were separated, yet here she was telling a woman she hardly knew about her personal life - lovemarks aside, of course. “It is what it is. And Brandon’s doing fine, which is the main thing. Mike’s taking him every other weekend, which actually gives me a little time to myself, which I’ve never had before. Hence the early morning coffee,” Stef adds, gesturing around the cafe.

Lena chuckles again. “I understand that feeling, I was hoping to sleep in for a change, now that I have a couple weeks off school, but my body clock still decided to wake me up at six.”

“I hear that,” Stef remarks. “I had 5am starts during police academy, which was a good seven years ago, and I’m still wide awake at that time now every day.”

“That’s right, you’re a police officer,” Lena comments. “What’s that like?”

“Honestly, not that exciting either,” Stef tells her. “When people usually find out I’m a cop, they want to know if I’ve ever shot someone, or been shot at. And my answer for both of those questions is never. It’s really just a lot of traffic violations, maybe catching some drug dealers, and a lot of paperwork.”

“Then here’s to us, spending many of the beautiful upcoming summer days stuck inside doing paperwork,” Lena says with a wry grin, holding up her coffee cup. Stef toasts her, and they both finish the last of their drinks.

After putting her empty cup down, Stef glances at Lena, her eyes catching sight of the black tally mark on her wrist. “Lena, I’m actually really glad we ran into each other like this,” she begins, and Lena smiles.

“Me too,” Lena admits.

Stef smiles back. “Look, I did want to ask you though, about our ma-”

Stef is cut off by a shrill sound coming from Lena’s purse, slung over the back of her chair. Lena apologizes, and pulls out a cell phone from her purse. “I’m so sorry, I hate to be rude but it’s my principal, I have to take this,” she says to Stef, after glancing at the caller ID. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” Stef says with an understanding smile. “Maybe we’ll run into each other another time?”

“I hope so,” Lena replies, and after a final lingering look, she steps away from the table and answers the call.

Stef watches her leave the cafe, letting out a slow sigh. She was really hoping to talk to Lena about their marks, but clearly the timing wasn’t right. That being said, the disappointment was greatly overshadowed by the butterflies in Stef’s stomach, after spending that brief time with Lena. The way the corners of Lena’s eyes crinkled as she smiled, and the glow of her skin, and…

Stef swallowed heavily. She clearly had some serious thinking to do about the choices she needed to make in the near future.

Meanwhile, back in her car, Lena wrapped up the phone call and set the cell phone down on the passenger seat. She was half annoyed that her principal called with a trivial question about staffing that interrupted her time with Stef. However, she was slightly appreciative of the timing, as it seemed like Stef was about to ask her about their tally marks - something that Lena honestly had no idea what she would say about. 

She considers this as she pulls away, moments before Stef steps out of the cafe, heading to her own car.

___

“Brandon, not too far, okay bud?” Stef calls out as she watches her son pretending to run away from Garrett, whose little three year old legs were pumping hard to keep up with the taller five year old.

“Mm-kay, Mom,” Brandon replies, and doubles back, pretending to fall so Garrett can jump on him with shrieks of glee.

Stef grins as she watches the boys. It had been shaping up to be a boring Tuesday afternoon, but the weather was so nice outside, so she called Jenna and Kelly on a whim to see if they wanted to meet at the park for a bit. Jenna, who was home with Garrett, jumped at the opportunity.

“Doesn’t it always make you want to have another one?” Jenna remarks with a grin.

“It does, actually,” Stef replies. And she’s being honest - on these random playdates, when she and Kelly or Jenna can meet at the part to let the kids play, se can see how much fun Brandon has with their son, and wishes to herself that he had a sibling (or a few) of his own.

“Do you think you and Mike might patch things up?” Jenna asks her as she steals a glance at Stef’s wrist. 

Before Stef can reply, Jenna gasps and grabs Stef’s hand. “Wait, are you and Mike good again?” she demands, jabbing a finger at the lovemark on Stef’s wrist. “God, it’s darker than mine and Kelly’s.”

Stef blushes, pulling her wrist out of Jenna’s grasp. “Uh, no,” she admits slowly. “This mark isn’t actually his. And he’s refusing marriage counseling, so I honestly don’t think it’ll end up working out for us either - but I did agree to a three month separation, so I’ll see how I feel at the end of our separation.”

Jenna stares at her, clearly in shock. Stef wonders if Jenna even heard what she said after admitting the mark wasn’t for Mike.

“So, back up a second. You’ve met someone else? Details, please!” Jenna demands.

Stef sighs ruefully. “Honestly, there’s not much to say,” she tells her friend. “We’ve only met twice, when I went for Brandon’s school tour, and we also bumped into each other on the weekend and had coffee. We hardly know each other; we haven’t even talked about our marks.”

“Honey, you can’t let this one go,” Jenna insists. “That’s probably the darkest mark I’ve ever seen in my life, that’s definitely got to mean something. Do you think you’ll see him again?”

Stef glances at Jenna, biting her lip. “Well, actually,” she starts, “he’s actually a she-”

“What? God, Stef, way to bury the lead!” Jenna exclaims. “I knew you were really a lesbian - or bisexual, at least. Kelly owes me twenty bucks!”

“You guys bet on me?” Stef asks, mouth dropping open in shock.

Jenna shakes her head with an easy smile. “That’s not important right now. What is important, is what you think about this woman?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think,” Stef confesses. “The second we met, there was an instant attraction. I think she felt it too. And when we had coffee, I saw a mark on her wrist, and it’s identical to mine. We really seemed to click, too. But we didn’t get a chance to talk about our marks, she got a phone call and had to go.”

“Do you think you’ll get to see her again?” Jenna presses.

“Well, aside from coincidentally running into her, not anytime soon,” Stef says. “She’s the assistant vice principal at Brandon’s new school, and she said she’d be busy during the summer with school prep. We didn’t even exchange contact information.”

Stef doesn’t notice Jenna’s eyes light up, and when she glances over, Jenna’s face is already neutral again.

“You know, Kelly and I were thinking of having a few people over for a dinner party on Saturday night,” Jenna tells her. “You should come. It sounds like you could use a chance to relax.”

Stef’s slightly surprised that Jenna had changed the subject, but she’s not about to question it. She wrinkles her brow as she considers the offer. “It’s my weekend with Brandon, but my mom’s also been begging to have him over for a night,” she replies after a moment. “If my mother is fine with having him this weekend, then sure, I’ll come.”

“Perfect!” Jenna tells her, grinning. “I promise you’ll have a great time!”

Stef’s not quite sure if there’s a mischievous glint in her friend’s eye, or if it’s just the bright sun reflecting. She eyes her for a moment, then smiles. “Great. I’ll even bring my cheesecake that Kelly loves so much.”

“Even more perfect!” Jenna exclaims, then jumps to her feet. “Garrett! Stop eating sand!”

___

Lena’s halfway through sorting the clothes in her closed, pulling out items she hasn’t worn in a long time, when she hears her phone buzzing. “Hello?” she answers, pressing the phone between her ear and shoulder as she holds up a shirt for appraisal.

“Lena!” a voice exclaims through the receiver. 

“Hey Jenna,” Lena says with a smile. “How are you?”

“Great,” Jenna tells her. “What about yourself? What’s been happening?”

“I’m doing well,” Lena answers. “Just sorting clothes, life’s pretty quiet lately.”

“Well that’s good to hear, because it means you’re not too busy to come out for a drink with me tonight,” Jenna declares, in a tone that sounds pretty clear that she won’t accept no for an answer. 

“On a Tuesday night?” Lena replies with a touch of amusement - not that she’s complaining about the day of the week. A drink definitely sounds more fun than cleaning out her closet.

“Why not? So lets say in an hour, at the Pocket bar?”

“Sure,” Lena says. “Will Kelly be coming too?”

“No, she’s been home with a cold, so I took Garrett after preschool to the park and out on errands. He just crashed in bed, and I’m in desperate need of some adult time.”

Lena laughs. “Sounds good, I’ll see you in an hour then.” She hangs the phone up and tosses it onto her bed. She turns back to her closet and eyes it again, this time for an outfit suitable for a bar.

___

Lena arrives at the bar right on time, and orders herself a martini, knowing that Jenna will probably be late as usual.

She’s right; she’s already sipping on her martini by the time Jenna finally arrives.

“Sorry I’m late, I wanted to make sure Kelly was all set before I left,” she says breezily as she settles into the seat next to Lena. She flags the bartender down, ordering a beer, before turning to face Lena. “So, what’s new?”

They chat, catching each other up on work, and personal lives. Lena thinks to herself that Jenna seems slightly antsy about something, but she doesn’t comment on it. She’s enjoying herself, enjoying actually doing something other than cleaning her house during her break from school, so when she finishes her first martini, she doesn’t hesitate to raise a hand to catch the bartender’s attention.

“Um, hello, what’s this?” Jenna demands, catching Lena’s hand and turning it over to expose Lena’s love marks on her wrist. 

Lena blushes, and pulls her hand back. “It’s nothing,” she tries, and turns to the bartender and asks for another martini.

“That’s not nothing,” Jenna tells her. “Spill.”

“Okay, fine,” Lena says in defeat. “I got a new mark. But nothing’s going to happen with this one, so it doesn’t matter, okay?”

“Lena, this is your first mark since Gretchen!” Jenna points out. “It’s been three years. It’s time you focused on your love life again. Why don’t you think it’ll go anywhere?”

“Well, the woman it’s for? She’s married, for starters. And she and her husband have a kid, who’s going to be starting at Anchor Beach in the fall,” Lena explains. “I’ve been burned before by straight women, it’s not happening.”

“You don’t know for sure she’s straight,” Jenna says. “She could be bisexual. Or a closeted lesbian suppressing her feelings by marrying a man, did you consider that?”

Lena shakes her head. “That still doesn’t change the fact that she’s married,” she says pointedly.

“Okay, but is she happily married? Maybe she’s unhappy, and they’re separated,” Jenna says innocently.

Lena narrows her eyes, but Jenna’s give nothing away. “That’s a good guess,” she says slowly. “She is separated, actually. But Jen, at the end of the day, separated isn’t single. I’m not getting involved in that.”

Jenna nods, letting out a mock sigh. “Okay, fine,” she says, and Lena’s not quite sure if there’s a mischievous glint in Jenna’s eyes, or if it’s a trick of the dim lighting of the bar.

“I’ll stop bugging you about it if you tell me that you have no plans at all on Saturday night,” Jenna adds after a moment.

“I don’t,” Lena replies, somewhat apprehensively. “Why?”

“Kelly and I are having a dinner party, and we really want you to come,” Jenna tells her. “Please? When I told Kelly I was meeting you tonight, she was saying it’s been too long since she saw you last. And it’s not going to be big at all, just a few mutual friends. So say you’ll come?”

Lena still feels like Jenna’s up to something, but she shrugs it off with a smile. “Sure, I’ll come,” she agrees. It does sound like fun. And to be completely honest, maybe it’ll even take her mind off Stef.

___

Lena follows Kelly through the foyer to the lounge room, where several mutual friends are sitting around chatting over glasses of wine. Lena greets them, and holds up the bottles of wine she brought to Kelly. “Where do you want these?” she asks. 

“In the kitchen,” Kelly tells her. “We've already got a few bottles open, so let's get you a drink.”

“Perfect,” Lena replies, following her into the kitchen. Jenna is there slicing up cheese, while a blonde woman is reaching into the cabinet to bring down a few more wine glasses, her back to them. 

“Oh you made it! I'm so glad!” Jenna exclaims, taking the bottles from Lena. “Let me pour you a glass, pinot okay? Oh, I'm not sure if you've met our friend-”

“Stef,” Lena breathes. The woman has turned around, several wine glasses in her hand, and Lena immediately recognizes her. Their eyes lock and Lena almost forgets for a moment to breathe.

“Lena, hi,” Stef replies. She's smiling, a light pink tinge 

“Hi,” Lena says back. She can’t think of anything else to say, because her eyes are captivating.

“Oh, you already know each other?” Jenna asks with a knowing smile. “Excellent, because I've got you both sitting next to each other for dinner.”

Lena shoots Jenna a suspicious glance, as she knows Jenna well enough to know that she's up to something. She also knows that she should be a little more cautious (she's married! She's straight! the little voice in her head says), but the idea of spending the next few hours over drinks and dinner with Stef is kind of thrilling. 

“Here,” Stef says, offering a wine glass to Lena. She takes it, and holds it steady for Jenna to pour. 

“Alright, let's bring the cheese out,” Kelly says, and picks up the cheese platter that Jenna had just finished preparing. They all head back to the lounge room, where Kelly and Jenna immediately began chatting to the other women. 

Stef turns to Lena, smiling. “So how do you know Jenna and Kelly?” she asks.

“Well, I met them through my partner at the time. We all became good friends, and when we broke up, I kept the friendship. How about you?” Lena asks.

“I went to college with Jenna,” Stef replies. “And Brandon’s a couple years older than their son, but we'll do playdates for them sometimes. It’s really good when we have them when Brandon starts bugging me for a little brother or sister, a couple hours into play when Garrett gets tired usually stops him asking me.”

Lena chuckles. “Yes, a whiny three year old will probably do it.”

“Want to sit?” Stef asks hesitantly, gesturing to the nearby couch that was open. Lena nods, and they settle in with their wine. 

Stef draws a slow breath, and turns to look at Lena. “So, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and if you’d rather talk about it somewhere more private, I’m okay with that. But can we talk about our marks?”

Lena nearly chokes on her wine. She wasn’t expecting Stef to be so direct. “I don’t think there’s really much to talk about, is there?” she asks. Her eyes meet Stef’s, and she has to focus to not lose track of the conversation. “I mean, at the end of the day, you’re married. To a man. And I’m a lesbian. So there’s not much more to say, right?”

“I’m married to a man, yes, but we’re also separated,” Stef corrects her. “And between us, I don’t see Mike and I resolving this. And as far as my orientation is concerned, I’m not straight. I’ve had...feelings for other women before.”

Lena raises her eyebrows, not expecting that admission.

“Lena, I’ve never felt this strongly for another person before,” Stef adds. “And none of my marks have ever been this strong before.” She holds her wrist out, the black mark stark against her pale skin.

“Same,” Lena admits. She holds her own wrist out, and the two women sit in silence for a moment, taking in the matching marks.

“But you are right, I am married, at least technically. And I do have my son to consider, and what’s best for him. So, how about we focus on friendship?” Stef asks. “No expectations for anything else, not while I’m sorting out my personal life. And we’ll just see how it works out?”

Stef looks so hopeful, and although Lena can already tell that this is likely going to lead to getting hurt, it’s too hard to ignore the feelings fluttering in her stomach. “Friends,” Lena replies, and clinks her wine glass with Stef’s. They smile, and take a drink. 

___

Dinner goes smoothly, with both women enjoying themselves. Conversation between them flows, neither running out of things to talk about, and by the time they finish eating dinner, they both feel like they’ve known the other for months, not just a matter of weeks.

They do manage to separate between dinner and dessert, where everyone moves to the living room for drinks. Lena chats to one of the women that she went to college with; Stef finds herself talking to Kelly about their kids. They have fun, however gravitate back towards each other when the group finally returns to the table for dessert.

“Oh my God, this cheesecake is to die for,” Lena says as she savors a bite of dessert, closing her eyes in delight to focus on the creamy vanilla treat. “Whoever made this, you absolutely have to teach me how to make it.”

Stef blushes. “I made it,” she tells Lena. “I’d be more than happy to teach you to make it, you should come over sometime.”

“That would be great,” Lena says, grinning. 

Across from them, Jenna grins wickedly. 

___

A few days pass, and on Tuesday evening, Stef finds herself washing dishes after dinner while Brandon watches a cartoon before bed. As she absently scrubs a dish, her thoughts flick between Lena and Mike. Particularly since dinner at Jenna and Kelly’s, Stef’s mind keeps wandering to the intelligent, beautiful woman that she wore a mark for. However, the logical part of her mind kept interrupting these thoughts, reminding her of her marriage, and her son, and the security it brought her life.

As she lets out a sigh, the house phone rings, starting her out of her thoughts. She stacks the clean dish on the rack and quickly dries her hands, before picking up the phone and cradling it between her cheek and shoulder so she can wash the next dish. “Hello?”

“Hi, Stef? It’s Lena,” a warm voice replies, and Stef immediately feels herself smiling.

“Lena, hey,” she replies. “How are you?”

“Good, thanks. Is now a bad time, or..?” Lena asks, trailing off at the end.

Stef shakes her head, then realizes that Lena obviously can’t see that through the phone. “Not at all,” she answers. “Just washing up from dinner. Nothing too exciting.”

Lena chuckles. “I just finished. I, uh, I got your number from Jenna. She’s been a little insistent the past couple days that I call you.”

“Yes, she definitely can be persistent,” Stef laughs.

“I’ll be honest with you though, she saw us looking at our marks at dinner the other night,” Lena says.

“She really doesn’t miss a beat, does she?” 

“No,” Lena agrees. “I did tell her that yes, we have marks for each other, although I’m pretty sure she might have already known, I went out for a drink with her a few days before and she was definitely trying to pry for information.”

“Wait, was that after Wednesday, by any chance?” Stef asks.

“Actually, it was Wednesday night,” Lena replies slowly.

“And she obviously knows you work at Anchor Beach, right?”

“Yes,” Lena says. “Why?”

Stef laughs. “I met up with her Wednesday afternoon so the kids could have a playdate. She saw my mark, and I never told her your name, but I’m pretty sure I might have mentioned Anchor Beach and she figured it out.”

“She really doesn’t miss anything,” Lena laughs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she planned that dinner party last minute just to get us in the same room. Anyway, I told her that we’re not interested in starting a romantic relationship, we’re just going to be friends, and she needs to respect that.”

Stef feels a pang in her chest as Lena says that last sentence, but she shrugs it off. She’s the one who offered the friendship, and until she figures her life out, that’s all it can be.

“How’d she take it?” Stef asks.

“Honestly, she thinks we’re crazy,” Lena admits. “But, she said she will respect it, and said she wants to make sure we really do follow through with being friends, and that’s the point where she basically called me a hermit and said she’ll be putting her foot somewhere the sun doesn’t shine unless I called you.”

Stef laughs again. “Well, in that case, this coming Thursday, I’m only working a half day. And as of right now, since Brandon will be at preschool until five, I was thinking of relaxing with a book and a coffee. But you’re on vacation, right?”

“Yes, til the end of this week.”

“Why don’t you come over, if you’re not doing anything? I’ll show you how to make that cheesecake from dinner, and we can just hang out.”

“Oh that cheesecake was so good,” Lena says, unconsciously licking her lips, then blushing. She’s glad Stef can’t see her face right now. “Sure, that sounds like fun. Unless you’re positive you wouldn’t rather have time to yourself?”

“Honestly? I’m getting every other weekend to myself with Mike taking Brandon, and after the first day of that, I’ve been going a little stir crazy. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to just be by myself, that I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Alright, perfect,” Lena replies, and scrawls down Stef’s address on a slip of paper.

“So, I’m really enjoying talking to you, but is there any chance I can call you back? I need to get Brandon to bed,” Stef says apologetically. “And I’ve finished cleaning the dishes, so I can move to the couch. Can I call you back in about twenty minutes? Unless you’ve got other things to do?”

“No, that sounds great,” Lena says.

They end the call, and Stef turns the kettle on before heading to the living room to tell Brandon that it’s time for bed.  
__

Twenty minutes later, Stef’s in her pajamas, settled on the couch with a blanket draped over her legs and a steaming cup of tea on the coffee table. She picks up the phone, and realizes she doesn’t actually have Lena’s number, before scrolling through the phone’s caller ID and finds the most recent incoming call. She presses the call button, and is relieved to hear Lena’s voice through the receiver a moment later. She smiles, and the conversation picks up right where they left it.

Two hours pass without the conversation waning once. They talk about anything that comes to mind, the topics flowing easily. Lena can’t remember the last time it was so easy to talk to someone.

It isn’t until she hears Stef stifling a yawn that she glances at the clock above the mantle and realizes it’s already a little after ten.

“Gosh, I had no idea how long we’ve been talking for,” Lena says. “I didn’t mean to monopolize your whole evening.”

“Well, technically, I called you back, so it was really me taking up your night,” Stef replies, a teasing lilt in her voice. “But this was fun, you can call me anytime to chat. I’ll see you Thursday?”

“See you Thursday,” Lena confirms. “Goodnight, Stef.”

“Goodnight, Lena.”

They hang up, and go to bed, each more excited for hanging out on Thursday than they’d be willing to admit.  
___

Thursday arrives, and Stef curses to herself as she leaves the station twenty minutes late. At least it’s an easy drive, and her frustration is completely forgotten as she turns onto her street and sees Lena parking her car. 

Stef pulls into the driveway, and shotts Lena an apologetic look as she gets out of the car. “Sorry, I got held up at work,” she tells Lena as she unlocks the front door.

“No problem at all,” Lena replies easily, following Stef inside. “You have a lovely home.”

Stef leads her to the kitchen. “It’s small,” Stef says as she sees Lena looking around.

“No, it’s nice,” Lena reassures her, smiling.

“Well, make yourself at home,” Stef tells her. “There’s juice and water in the fridge, or we can do coffee as well. I just want to change out of my uniform into something more comfortable, if you don’t mind?”

“Oh, go ahead,” Lena replies.

Stef ducks out of the kitchen, and hurries to her room. She takes a moment to lock her gun away in the safe in her closet, then stands in front of her clothes. She eyes them carefully. She knows that she and Lena are just friends, they both agreed on it, and Stef is supposed to be figuring out her marriage. However, she finds herself pulling out her favorite green tee that happens to highlight the green of her eyes. She pairs with with jeans, changes quickly, and heads back to the kitchen.

Lena’s got a pot of coffee brewing, two mugs already on the counter, and is in the middle of pulling milk out of the fridge

“So, when you said ‘make yourself at home’ to me, I took that literally,” Lena says with a grin, a faint pink tinge in her cheeks. 

Stef grins back. “I’m glad,” she says.

“You take sugar in your coffee, right?” Lena asks, remembering that day in the coffee shop when she spilled water on Stef, who had been getting sugar. “That’s the only thing I couldn’t find.”

Stef sidesteps her to reach for the sugar, touched Lena would remember such a tiny detail about her. She passes the sugar over, then starts getting the ingredients out for the cheesecake.  
__

Lena can’t remember the last time she had this much fun in the kitchen. Stef goes through every step carefully, showing where she deviates from the recipe. However, they joke around, and banter, and taste test as they go. Lena learns that Stef has a great sense of humor, and finds herself joking around more than what she would normally do when around other people.

They finally manage to put the cheesecake in the oven to bake, and start cleaning up the kitchen. They move effortlessly around each other, like their bodies are in sync. Lena tries really hard to not picture herself doing this with Stef in five, or ten, or even twenty years time.

While the cheesecake cools on the counter, Stef offers a glass of wine. “It pairs really well with the cheesecake,” she adds when Lena hesitates, and nods.

Stef pours two glasses and leads Lena to the living room, where they settle on the large couch. 

“I can’t remember the last time I felt this relaxed,” Lena says after taking a sip of wine. 

“Tell me about it,” Stef responds, with an eye roll and a smirk.

“Do you work full time?” Lena asks her.

“Mostly. I was able to get a set 9-4 schedule, at least for the next couple months while Mike and I are separated,” Stef explains. “That way, I can get Brandon to and from preschool before and after work.”

“How is Brandon doing with it all?”

“Fine, I think,” Stef replies. “He’s actually seeing Mike more since we separated, and he’s still a pretty happy kid.”

“From what you were telling me at school about him the other week, he sounds like a great kid,” Lena says, making Stef smile.

“I think he is, although I’m a little biased,” she jokes, and they both laugh.

“You don’t have any kids, do you?” Stef asks.

“No,” Lena replies, and her smile is a little wistful. “My mom’s been casually asking me though lately if I’m ready to settle down and give her grandkids, although my dad’s pretty good at keeping her reined in. She hadn’t asked since before I broke up with my last girlfriend three years ago, so I guess she’s getting a little impatient.

Stef chuckles a little, then turns serious. She looks like she’s deciding whether to ask something.

“What?” asks Lena.

Stef shakes her head, blushing. “I was going to ask - but it’s too personal, so-”

She falters, and Lena offers up a reassuring smile. “The worst that’ll happen is I won’t answer, but maybe I will, so just try,” she says.

“When did you know you were gay?” Stef says quickly.

Lena was slightly surprised by the question, but didn’t let it show. She considers the question for a moment before answering. “I was never interested in boys as a teenager, but I’d get crushes on girls. I guess it was something I kinda always knew. I ended up coming out to my parents when I was a junior in high school. My dad was amazing about it, he accepted me right away. My mom thought I was going through a phase and I’d grow out of it, but she’s better about it now.”

“That’s great,” Stef tells her sincerely, but Lena can detect a note of something in her voice - pain, maybe? Wistfulness?

“What?” Lena probes, gently touching Stef’s shoulder for a second.

Stef sighs, and looks down at her lap. “When I was a teenager in high school, I had a crush on my best friend. I think she did too, on me, but we never really discussed it. But we were a lot...closer, I guess, than most high school friends. Anyway, we were cuddling on the couch watching a movie one afternoon, it was fairly innocent, but my dad walked in on us and totally flipped out. He forbid me from ever seeing her again, and he sent me to church camp to ‘pray away the gay’,” Stef says with air quotes and a dry, bitter laugh.

“Oh, Stef,” Lena murmurs. 

“My friend didn’t react well at all. She was horrified that people might think she was gay, and told me she never wanted to see me again.” Stef shrugs. “And we never have. She changed schools for her senior year.”

Lena feels terrible for Stef. Acceptance was always something Lena worried about, even knowing her parents were pretty liberal people. But she was accepted, by her family, and her friends, and colleagues, and for that she was grateful. But Stef never got that, and it wasn’t fair.

“You know, there was nothing wrong with how you felt about her, right?” Lena asks quietly.

Stef gives a half hearted shrug. “Sort of. Like, being friends with Jenna and Kelly has helped, and being friends with you is helping too,” Stef adds, a slight tinge growing on her cheeks as she purposely doesn’t meet Lena’s eyes. “Life with my father gave me, um, an internalized homophobia, I think is the best way to describe it? But I’m working through these issues, I know he was wrong, it’s just difficult connecting that to myself.”

Lena nods with understanding. “How’s your relationship with your dad?”

“It could be better,” Stef tells her. “We get along, I guess, but we’re not close. He was happy when I married Mike.”

The microwave timer dings, which Stef had set to alert them when the cheesecake would be cool enough to eat. “Let’s go get a slice,” she says.

Lena picks up the somewhat relieved tone in Stef’s voice, and doesn’t try to push the conversation further. She follows Stef into the kitchen, and moans when she takes a bite of the slice that Stef cuts for her.

“My god, it’s better than the other night,” she says, relishing the creamy treat.

“Wait til you try it when I put a little Kahlua in it,” Stef remarks. “This is pretty much the only thing I cook well. Like, I’m fine with making dinners and stuff, but this is definitely my one special recipe.”

“Whereas I’m literally the opposite,” Lena says. “I can make a mean halibut or lasagne, but my baking skills are definitely sub-par.”

They both laugh. Secretly, Stef hopes that the opportunity to try Lena’s cooking comes up too. Secretly, Lena’s hoping for the same thing.

___

Over the next few weeks, their friendship starts really forming. They find themselves from hoping for reasons to need to reach out to the other, to simply going ahead to do so.

One evening, Lena arrives home, exhausted after having to deal with a three hour budget meeting. She’s beyond glad that it’s the weekend so she doesn’t have to think about school for a couple days.

She pulls out the leftover stir fry from last night’s dinner and puts it in the microwave, then grabs the phone and calls Stef.

“Hey, it’s Lena,” she says after Stef answers. “What are you up to?”

“Hey!” Stef replies. Lena can almost hear her smiling through the phone. “Not much, Brandon’s at Mike’s, so I’m just organizing the house, a very exciting Friday night indeed. What about you?”

“About to have dinner, which is leftovers from last night, and then I’m looking forward to hopefully reading something that is not a budget report.”

Stef laughs. “Long day, huh?”

Lena fills her in on her day, and then Stef does the same. Lena ends up eating her dinner whole standing at the kitchen counter while she talks, leading Stef to jokingly complain that hearing Lena eat was making her hungry too, and then make a plate of food for herself to eat.

The conversation flows easily between them, and it makes Lena’s heart ache a little. She misses being in a relationship, where talkin comes so easily because the other person knows you better than you know yourself. Although, she thinks to herself, it’s not like her last relationship with Gretchen had as much of an emotional connection that she’d like. That relationship was definitely more of a physical one. Looking back on it, she’s actually a little surprised that they had managed to make it nearly two years.

“Lena, you there still?” Stef’s voice cuts through Lena’s thoughts.

“Yes, sorry, I got distracted for a moment,” Lena apologizes.

“That’s okay,” Stef tells her. “I should probably let you go, it’s already nearly ten.”

Lena detects a touch of reluctance in Stef’s voice, and it makes her smile. “What are you doing tomorrow, want to get coffee or something?”

Stef pauses for a moment. “It’s Mike’s weekend with Brandon, but he has to work an extra shift tomorrow, so I’ll have Brandon for the day.” Stef pauses for another moment. “I don’t have real plans, but I’m thinking I’ll probably take him to the park, maybe to lunch or something. Would...do you want to come with us?”

Lena picks up the hesitancy in Stef’s voice. She can’t tell if Stef is nervous she’ll say yes, or nervous she’ll say no. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude,” Lena says carefully. Honestly though? She’s elated of the thought of spending the day with Stef and Brandon.

“You wouldn’t be intruding at all,” Stef tells her, sounding much more certain. “It’s just a regular day for him, and he’s fine with seeing my friends. Although, fair warning, the second he finds out you work at Anchor Beach, he’s probably going to grill you about the school, and his teacher, and pretty much everything to do with music class.”

Lena chuckles. “Okay then, I’ll be prepared. It’ll be nice to spend the day with you guys. Should I meet you out?”

“Sure, want to say at the park near Anchor Beach around 10?” 

“Perfect, I’ll see you then. Goodnight, Stef.”

“Goodnight, Lena.”

___

Stef arrives at the park a little before 10. When she had picked Brandon up from Mike’s, he was super excited about the prospect of playing all morning, and begged to go right away. When they arrive, he takes off to the playground, where he immediately joins in playing with another boy. Stef finds herself a comfortable bench in the sun, and settles in to watch her son. She smiles as she watches, and feels herself loosening as she relaxes.

When a hand touches her shoulder, she almost jumps.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” says Lena as she walks around the side of the bench. She smiles apologetically and holds up a tray of beverages. “Peace offering?”

“Hey Lena,” Stef greets her warmly. “If there’s coffee in those cups, then you’re officially my new best friend.”

Lena grins. “Thought we were already at that point,” she teases, and holds a cup out to Stef. “But this should make certain of that, because I do indeed have coffee for you.”

Stef accepts the cup with a sincere thanks, and Lena pulls a second coffee out of the tray for herself, as she settles on the bench. 

“Here,” she says, as she holds up the drink tray, with one cup remaining in it. “I got Brandon a hot cocoa. Is that okay?”

“Of course, that was so thoughtful, thanks,” Stef says, as Lena sets it on the empty space next to her. She’s touched by this simple consideration of her son, and she has to turn her head away for a moment so Lena doesn’t see the pink tinge on her cheeks. “He’s off playing already, of course.”

Lena grins, and glances over at the play equipment where she could see several kids playing. Stef points out which child is Brandon, and the two women watch him play for a half hour while they chat about anything and everything.

Brandon eventually comes over, hair wild and a wide grin. “Mom, did you see me jump off the swings?” he exclaims.

“Sure did bud, it was awesome,” Stef tells him. “B, I want you to meet my friend Lena.”

“Hi Lena!” he says. “I’m Brandon. I’m five.”

Lena grins at him. “Nice to meet you, Brandon. Your mom’s told me a lot about you. But, she forgot to tell me something really important.”

“What?” he asks curiously, and Stef’s a little intrigued about what she forgot to tell Lena too.

“She didn’t tell me if you like hot cocoa, and I’m kind of hoping you do, because I just happen to have a spare one right here,” Lena says, smiling, as she holds up the cup she’d set aside.

“I love hot cocoa!” he exclaims. “Can I have it, Mom?”

“Sure thing bud,” Stef replies. She can feel her heart swell with happiness as she watches Lena interact with her son. It’s clear Lena loves kids. 

In startling clarity, Stef can picture a future with Lena. Living together, in a big house, maybe a few more kids. She can picture marrying Lena, and raising a family together with her, and growing old together.

As she thinks these things, she can feel her mark tingling. 

She wants it. She wants that life.

“Mom, can I go play again?” Brandon asks, and she snaps her attention back to her son, gazing at her pleadingly, a chocolatey milk moustache around his mouth.

“Sure, B,” she tells him as she leans forward to wipe at his upper lip. He ducks away from her hand, laughing, and takes off for the playground again.

“What an awesome kid you have there,” Lena says, watching him run off with a smile. 

“Thanks, I think so too. Although I’m slightly biased,” Stef replies. “But I can see that you’re great with kids.”

“Thanks, it’s part of why I love my job so much,” Lena says.

“Do you want kids of your own ever?” Stef asks, half because she just wants to learn more about Lena, and half because she’s curious to see how well their life goals are aligned.

“I’d love to have kids one day,” Lena says honestly, a wistful tone in her voice. “I’ve always wanted to have at least a few, because I grew up as an only child with a half brother that didn’t live with us and I hardly ever saw.”

“Same, I grew up as an only child too. Although no half siblings for me.”

“Do you want more kids?” Lena asks.

“Truthfully, I really do. I’d love Brandon to have siblings. But I don’t see myself ever having more kids with Mike. So I guess only time will tell,” Stef replies. She absently runs a finger along her lovemark.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Stef watches Brandon play, and considers the thoughts on her mind just before they started talking about kids, about having about a future, with Lena. She wants that. But she also wants her son to be happy. If she were to follow those dreams, and be with Lena, it would pretty much change Brandon’s entire life. Could she do that to him? Would it be fair?

They gradually start talking about lighter topics, and time passes quickly. Brandon comes back from playing around noon, and Stef suggests lunch.

The three of them get into Stef’s car, after leaving Lena’s car securely locked in the parking lot, and head to a little hole in the wall seafood joint that Lena had never been to before. They make small talk while they wait for their food, and it makes Stef smile to see Lena interact with Brandon. He was clearly loving the attention as well. He was a smart kid, and even at five years old, he’d sometimes complain to Stef that most adults wouldn’t listen to him because he was only a kid. Lena, however, was giving him her full attention when he talked, and asked him questions about his hobbies - she was definitely making a solid impression on him.

When they finish eating, Brandon heads to the single stall bathroom. Stef glances over at Lena. “Are you having a good time?” she asks. “Half the time he’s shy, but when he likes someone, he really knows how to talk a lot.”

“Oh, I’m having a great time,” Lena replies sincerely. “He’s an awesome kid.”

“Well, if you’ve got nothing else to do this afternoon, want to brave the back to school shoppers with us at Target? I still haven’t gotten the stuff he needs for school, and he’s literally been asking me every day.”

“I don’t even have kids yet and I love back to school shopping,” Lena tells her with a laugh. “Count me in.”

When Brandon returns from the bathroom, Stef grins at him. “Hey bud,” she starts, “did I ever tell you what Lena does for work?”

He shakes his head, glancing at Lena inquisitively.

“Well,” Stef says, drawing the word out a little, “Lena’s the assistant vice principal at Anchor Beach, the new school you’ll be at in a few months.”

Brandon’s mouth drops open as he stares at Lena. “That’s so cool,” he whispers.

Lena laughs. “Well, at least one of my students thinks so,” she says. She glances at Stef, then leans closer to him. “Any chance you’ve already bought your school stuff yet?” she asks him conspiratorially.

“Not yet, but Mommy promised she’ll take me soon,” he replies as he shakes his head.

“How about the three of us go shopping right now? I can help you pick out all the cool stuff, since I know what all the other kids bring,” she tells him with a smile.

Brandon just about explodes with excitement. “Yes!” he yelps, then turns to Stef. “Please, Mom, please can we?”

“Sure, B,” Stef says with a grin. They stand up, and Stef drops a few bills down on the table to cover the check. Lena goes to leave money as well, and Stef brushes her away with a smirk. “You’re helping with school shopping, which is something I was not looking forward to,” she says in a low tone to Lena. “Trust me, buying you lunch is the very least I can do.”

___

Once they arrive at Target, Brandon drags them to the big ‘Back To School’ section at the back of the store, where they easily spend an hour. The majority of this time is spent by Lena and Stef convincing Brandon that he doesn’t actually need a three hole punch for kindergarten, nor does he need the fifty pack of Sharpies, or the gallon bottle of Elmer's glue.

“Trust me, your teacher will have plenty of supplies in the classroom, so there’s plenty of things you won’t need,” Lena reassures him. “And if I’m wrong, then I’ll take you back out myself. Deal?”

Brandon agrees to this, and then spends a solid fifteen minutes choosing a backpack and lunch bag.

Finally, they head to the checkout with a cart full of supplies, and load the car up once it’s all paid for. Stef drives back to the park and pulls up alongside Lena’s car. Before Lena can say goodbye or get out of the car, Brandon’s voice chirps from the backseat.

“Um, Lena? Do you have to go home now? Because Mommy said we can watch a movie this afternoon, and even have popcorn with it. Do you want to come over and watch it with us? I already picked out Monsters Inc, it’s my favorite.” He gazes up imploringly at Lena.

She glances over at Stef, eyebrows raised as if to ask if it’s okay. Stef smiles, a soft, gentle smile that gives Lena a wam feeling in her belly. She then twists back to face Stef. “Well, I don’t think I can say no to Monsters Inc, it’s my favorite movie too,” she tells him with a grin.

He cheers, and tells her to buckle back up. “Actually,” Lena says to him, “I’ll drive my car, and I’ll meet you at your house, okay? That way Mommy doesn’t have to drive back out to the park again later to bring me back.”

“Okay!” he chirps happily, and waves cheerily at her as she steps out of the car. She waves back at him, tosses a smile at Stef, and gets into her car. She follows Stef back to her house, and parks in the street.

They work as a well oiled machine when they go inside - Stef sets up the movie while Lena microwaves a couple bags of popcorn, and Brandon gets his favorite blanket from his room. He sprawls out on the floor, leaving Stef and Lena to settle down on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them.

__

When the movie ends, they stand and stretch, and Lena tells them that it’s probably time she heads home. She squats down to thank Brandon for letting her hang out with him for the day, and he grins at her, and tells her to come back anytime. “Out of all of Mommy’s friends, you’re definitely the funnest,” he tells her, then runs off to play in his room.

Lena stands back up, and sees Stef smiling. She grins back. “Thanks for letting me crash your family day, I had a lot of fun,” she says sincerely. 

“Well, like Brandon said, you’re welcome back anytime,” Stef replies. She impulsively leans forward and gives Lena a quick hug goodbye. Lena returns the hug, then heads out to her car.

Once she’s sitting in the car and pulling away, she releases a long breath. She’s almost relieved that the day is over. She had a realization during the movie - that she could get used to this. She could very happily spend her days with Stef and Brandon, doing family things together like going to the park and watching movies together. And honestly? That realization scares her, because right now, it’s not a possibility for her. She runs her fingers lightly over Stef’s mark, and the faded ones for previous partners, and sighs. She needs to be careful. She really doesn’t want to get hurt. Not again.

___

However, Lena’s mental warning does nothing to change her behavior. Over the next several weeks, the friendship between Stef and Lena deepens. They find themselves talking on the phone nearly every day, to the point where it’s routine for Stef to put Brandon to bed then dial Lena’s number while she settles on the couch with a glass of wine, or for Lena to get irritated with another frustrating meeting with the other school administrators and call Stef in her lunch break to vent. They never manage to run out of things to say to each other, and Stef sometimes thinks that Lena’s learned more about her in their month of friendship than what Mike learned about her during their years together.

It’s what prompts Stef to do some serious consideration of her personal life. When she and Mike had agreed on a separation, they’d decided a three month break would be enough time. At this point, they’d made it ten weeks, and only had a couple weeks left before they would need to get together to discuss the future of their relationship.

As intense as her feelings for Lena were growing, Stef wanted to at least try, for the sake of her son, to see if her marriage was still salvageable. However, after trying to bring up the idea of marriage counseling to Mike again and being shot down, she quickly realized that it likely wasn’t going to work out. She didn’t say anything to Lena - Stef and Mike’s marriage was the one topic they never discussed. However, she knew things were going to be changing, and it would need to be soon.  
___

Lena’s focused on a curriculum outline for the middle school math classes, when a tap at the door interrupts her concentration. She glances up to see her principal standing in the doorway.

“Lena, just a reminder that testing of the school’s alarm system is today,” Principal Sanchez said.

“Of course,” Lena replies. “You wanted me to meet the emergency personnel when they arrive, yes?”

“Please,” says Sanchez. “It’ll be at three, so we can all be finished for the day after it. Thank you.”

Lena watches the woman walk away, and sighs. Testing all of the alarm systems was a tedious task that had to be completed every summer, and being the assistant VP, the duty of following the police and fire crew through the school fell on her. It was honestly the last thing she wanted to do; she’d had a headache all day that she couldn’t seem to shake, and wanted nothing more than to get in bed with the shades all drawn and have a long sleep. 

Instead, she had to finish the math curriculum an hour early - or take it home with her to finish - so that she could meet the small police and fire crew to do a walk through the school with them to test alarms and review emergency policies.

Sighing, she gets up and heads to the staff room, normally full of chattering staff during the school year but now eerily quiet. She brews a pot of coffee, pours a cup, and takes it back to her desk, where she manages to power through her work and finishes ten minutes before three.

The caffeine does nothing for her headache. With a sigh, she makes her way to the front of the school. Upon seeing that the emergency personnel haven’t arrived, she sinks onto a bench and rubs at her temples, eyes closed.

A few minutes pass, and she suddenly feels a hand on her shoulder. Startling, she snaps her eyes open to see Stef next to her, concern on her face. Her eyes widen in surprise, but she also can’t stop the smile that forms.

“Hey, are you okay?” Stef asks gently.

“Yeah, I just have a headache,” Lena tells her. “What are you doing here?”

Stef’s smile flickers slightly. “I’m here to help with alarm testing today.”

Lena grins. “Don’t think I wasn’t happy to see you. I was just surprised. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” Stef tells her. Footsteps approach from behind, and they turn to see two firemen heading over, in simple shirts and pants as opposed to the full getup.

Lena introduces herself to the two men, and leads them and Stef inside. Slowly, they work their way through the school, with the firemen checking all fire alarms, smoke detectors, and fire extinguishers, while Stef checks that all classrooms have evacuation plans posted, and tests the silent alarms. They finish in the administration wing, and Stef doesn’t need to read the ‘Assistant Vice Principal’ sign on the door to know when they reach Lena’s office. It’s decorated with warm tones and has a very comforting, inviting feel to it. She also spies a picture stuck the wall that Brandon drew for Lena last time she was over for dinner, and the sentiment of it almost brings a tear to her eye. When Lena notices Stef looking at the picture, she catches Stef’s eye and gives a sheepish smile.

They wrap up around 4:30, and Lena walks Stef and the firemen out. The two men hurry off, but Stef lingers for a moment.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks. “No offence, but you’re looking worse than when I got here.”

Lena offers up a small smile. “It’s just this headache, I’ve been trying to shake it all day and I think it’s turning into a migraine. I think I just need to go home, close all the curtains, and sleep it off.”

“Are you done for the day at least?” Stef asks. 

“Yes, so I just need to pack up and I can go home to bed,” Lena reples.

“Okay, but let me know if you need anything. I’ll call you tomorrow, if you’re feeling better we can go for lunch or something.”

“Sounds great. Bye Stef,” Lena says. She watches Stef turn towards her car, and heads back inside. She’s the last person there, so after straightening up her desk and getting her belongings, she locks up her office, and then locks the front door of the school.

To Lena’s surprise, Stef is still in the parking lot, leaning against her car which is parked next to Lena’s.

“Is it okay for a car to be here overnight?” Stef asks as Lena draws closer.

“Yes, why?” Lena replies, confused.

“Get in my car then, I’ll drive you home. Your head’s clearly killing you,” Stef tells her, and holds open the passenger door.

Lena’s so touched by Stef’s concern, and her head really is hurting, so she doesn’t try to say no. She sinks gratefully into the passenger seat of Stef’s car, and closes her eyes.

A hand gently shakes her shoulder, and she opens her eyes to find they’re already at her house, and Stef’s standing in the passenger door. “We’re home?” Lena asks sleepily.

Stef grins. “Yeah, you fell asleep immediately. Give me your keys so I can unlock the door.” 

Lena fumbles for her purse, but Stef takes it from her and extracts her keys. She helps Lena into the house and to the bedroom, guiding her to the bed.

“Where do you keep pajamas?” Stef asks, and follows Lena’s directions to extract a shirt and shorts from a bureau. “Get changed, I’m going to get you some water and medicine, okay?”

Lena nods, feeling incredibly appreciative of Stef in this moment. Once Stef leaves the bedroom she slowly changes, and then slips under the covers of her bed. As she settles in, Stef peeks around the door to make sure she’s decent, before coming over. She holds up a small prescription bottle.

“You have extra strength ibuprofen, is that from your wisdom tooth surgery in the spring?” she asks.

Lena’s mildly surprised that Stef remembers that small detail from one of their many phone calls. She nods, and accepts the two pills and the glass of water. As she swallows them, she watches Stef move to the two windows, drawing the blinds closed so that the room dims.

“Thank you,” Lena says softly, as Stef moves back over to take away the empty water glass.

“Of course,” Stef replies, smiling softly at her. “Get some rest, okay?”

As her eyes close and sleep starts to claim her, Lena feels the light brush of Stef’s hand across her forehead.  
___

Stef makes sure Lena’s sleeping peacefully, before slipping out of the room and gently shutting the door behind her. 

As she heads down the hall, she considers how she wants to spend her evening. She should probably just go home, but she feels uneasy about leaving Lena by herself when she’s feeling unwell. However, she’s still in her police uniform, and she’s not sure how comfortable she is with the idea of raiding Lena’s kitchen for food.

Mind made, she hurries out to her car and drives home, grateful that she took her own car to Anchor Beach and not the squad car. Once home, she hurries inside, takes a quick shower and changes into comfortable clothes, grabs the current book she’s reading from her nightstand, and pulls the leftover lasagne from last night’s dinner out of the fridge.

She’s back at Lena’s within a half hour, and lets herself in. Peeking in on Lena, she can see that she’s fast asleep. Quietly, she heads out to the living room, and settles herself on Lena’s couch with her book.

__

Lena wakes up, and is momentarily confused - she can tell she’s in her bed, but she’s not entirely sure how she made it there, or what time it is.

She sits up, and sees that it’s almost 11pm. As she makes her way to the bathroom, the memory of her migraine, and Stef bringing her home, comes to mind. She smiles softly. She’ll definitely have to call Stef in the morning to thank her.

Leaving the bathroom, she turns to go back to her room, but hears the TV on in the living room. Quietly, she pads down the hall and peeks in, and can’t stop her smile from widening.

Stef’s asleep on the couch, illuminated by the lamp next to her and the glow of a late night talk show on the TV. The throw blanket that Lena keeps on the couch is haphazardly draped over Stef, and there’s a book lying abandoned on the floor next to her.

Lena makes her way over, and reaches down to pluck the remote from Stef’s loose grip. However, she feels Stef’s grip tense slightly before releasing it. Turning her head, she sees Stef’s eyes open and focus on her.

“Hey,” Lena says softly. “I’m sorry to wake you.”

“No, I’m sorry to fall asleep on your couch, after I basically invited myself over,” Stef tells her. “How are you feeling?” She sits up, moving the blanket aside so Lena can sit down next to her.

“It’s gone, I feel great,” Lena answers. “Thanks for finding that ibuprofen, I completely forgot I had it. It worked wonders.”

“I’m glad,” Stef says, and lets out a yawn. She blushes as she covers it. “Sorry. Uh, I should head home now, if you’re okay.”

“No,” Lena says immediately. “Stef, it’s 11 at night. Just stay here. And sleep in the spare room, I’m not going to be responsible for you complaining about your sore back all day tomorrow because of my couch.”

Stef chuckles at this, but raises her eyebrows. “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.” 

“I’m sure,” Lena says firmly. “Trust me, I’ll sleep better knowing that you’re not driving home by yourself in the middle of the night.”

“Okay, thanks,” Stef tells her. “Uh, are you hungry at all? You’ve been sleeping the whole evening so you didn’t have dinner.”

As soon as Stef mentions the word dinner, Lena’s stomach rumbles loudly, and they both chuckle.

“Wait here,” Stef tells her, and Lena curiously watches Stef as she heads to the kitchen. While she waits, she turns the TV on, flicking through the channels until she comes across a movie just starting, one’s she’s already seen and liked.

Stef’s back a couple minutes later, holding two steaming plates. She hands one to Lena, along with a fork, and Lena’s delighted to see lasagne. “Wow, this smells amazing,” she says. “Did you cook this tonight?”

Stef shakes her head. “No, it was actually last night’s dinner, and full disclosure, I didn’t cook it, my mom did. Once you fell asleep, I did run home to shower and change, and I grabbed this.”

“I’m glad you did,” Lena tells her, “it’s amazing.” She savors the bite she just took, then pauses. “Wait, where’s Brandon?”

“It’s Mike’s weekend,” Stef tells her, although she’s touched that Lena was thinking of her son. 

Lena nods, and they settle in to eat their lasagne in comfortable silence. They find themselves getting into the movie on TV, so after they eat, they end up staying on the couch to watch, each leaning against an arm of the couch with their legs resting - although not quite touching - side by side in the middle.

___

Stef wakes up to sun streaming in, and the TV on to a news program. However, these are the last things she focuses on, because she realizes immediately that she and Lena had fallen asleep on the couch. Their heads were still at their respective ends of the couch, but their legs were tangled together in the middle. 

Her breath catches, because Lena’s legs feel amazing pressed against hers. Soft skin, smooth and supple, and Stef doesn’t want to move, although she knows she should. Instead, she takes a moment to gaze at Lena, taking in her beauty.

Several moments pass, and Lena starts to stir. Stef quickly sits up, missing the loss of contact immediately. “Good morning,” she says as Lena opens her eyes. “Seems like we’ll both be complaining about our backs today, because it seems we fell asleep watching the movie.”

Lena chuckles, and sits up as well. She actually feels incredibly well rested, and also has a tingle in her belly from a moment of feeling Stef’s legs against hers as she woke. It’s probably a good thing that Stef had sat up first, because internally Lena’s heart was raging a war with her mind (she’s married! You’re just friends!).

“In the mood for some breakfast?” Lena asks, and heads to the kitchen, Stef following behind her. Together, they make toast and coffee, then settle at the kitchen table to eat.

After breakfast, Stef decides to go home for the morning so she can shower and get through the stack of laundry that she’s been neglecting all week. She drives Lena back to school to pick up her car, and as they drive they plan to meet up for lunch, then go grocery shopping after - each of them needing their own groceries, so they figure they may as well go together.

The day goes quite fast, and as they pack groceries into their cars, each of them thinks how they don’t want to stop hanging out.

“Want to come over for dinner?” Lena asks. “I was going to make chicken piccata, but I always make too much for just me.”

Stef grins. “Sure, that would be great. Six-ish?”

“Perfect,” Lena replies. Impulsively, she leans in to give Stef a hug, almost melting into her touch. She pulls away after a second, and says goodbye as she gets into her car.

She doesn’t release the breath she’s holding until she’s leaving the parking lot of the grocery store. “Come on, Lena, what are you thinking?” she says beratingly to herself. “She’s married! You need to be more careful.”

But she’s finding it’s getting harder and harder to draw that line between them. She doesn’t want their phone calls to ever end, she doesn’t want to say goodbye when they’ve been hanging out. And if she’s not careful, she’s going to get hurt.  
___

Stef’s about to leave to head back to Lena’s for dinner, when the phone rings. She answers it, and smiles when she hears Lena’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Stef, I’m sorry, but my oven isn't working,” Lena apologizes. “I just tried to turn it on to preheat, but it won’t. And I won’t be able to get someone to look at it til Monday.”

A wave of disappointment washes over Stef. “That’s frustrating,” she tells her.

“Tell me about it,” Lena says with a sigh. “I wanted to ask though, if you’d mind giving me another half hour before coming over, so I can run back to the grocery store and get something that I can just cook on the stove.”

“Actually, why don’t you just come over here?” Stef offers. “We’ll cook here instead. I mean, we had breakfast at your place, and lunch out, we may as well come full circle and have dinner at mine.”

Lena laughs at this, and agrees. They hang up, and Stef does a quick run through the house to make sure it’s presentable, before putting a bottle of wine in the fridge to chill, and turning the oven on to preheat. She’s not sure what temperature Lena needs it at, so she guesses 400, figuring it’ll at least be hot and Lena can adjust it as needed.

Lena arrives about fifteen minutes later, and Stef helps her carry the food inside.

“Thanks for this,” Lena tells her gratefully. 

“Hey, I’m getting chicken piccata out of it, so it’s really my pleasure,” Stef replies with a wink. She sets the table and pours them each a glass of wine while Lena puts the chicken in the oven, and the two then share the counter space, chopping vegetables for a salad. When it’s ready, they settle in at the table. Stef’s glad she didn’t light any candles; there’s definitely a vibe in the air between them that doesn’t need any more fuel. She’s not complaining, but she doesn’t want to make Lena uncomfortable.

“God, Lena, this is amazing,” Stef says with a moan as she takes a bite of the chicken.

“Thanks,” Lena replies. “My mother’s recipe.”

“Well, if she gives you any other recipes that are as good as this one, feel free to try them out on me,” Stef jokes, and Lena chuckles.

The food is delicious, and the conversation flows smoothly. After they eat, they head into the lounge room, bringing the rest of the bottle of wine with them. They settle into the couch, continuing their conversation.

Lena’s feeling slightly on edge, because she’s definitely feeling like maybe they’re getting too close. She’s beyond comfortable with Stef, feeling like she could literally tell her anything. The wine helps to take the edge off, so when Stef shifts on the couch and her leg brushes against Lena’s, Lena doesn’t move away. She glances over at Stef, and their eyes lock.

Stef’s voice trails away, and they stare at each other for a long moment, before each leaning in at the same time, their lips inches apart. Neither woman can take her gaze off the other’s. 

Without any words being said, they lean in closer, about to let their lips touch, when -

RING RING

Lena jerks herself apart, as Stef’s phone starts ringing. The moment is gone, and all Lena can feel is anger at herself for letting things get to this point. 

“I have to go,” she says abruptly, getting to her feet.

“Lena, wait,” Stef tries as she reaches a hand out to Lena, but Lena steps away.

“Stef, we can’t do this. You’re married. And I can’t get involved with that. I’m not going to be the cause for breaking up a family. I have to go.”

Lena hurries to the door, not pausing at the sound of Stef calling out to her. Her purse with her keys and phone is sitting on the end table by the door, and she scoops it up as she passes.

Within a moment, the door clicks shut behind her, leaving Stef alone.  
___

Lena manages to keep it together until she arrives home. She steps inside, tossing her keys on the little table by the door, and throws herself onto the couch.

She should have been more careful. She should have listened to the little voice in her head, warning her this whole time that she had to be careful. Sure, maybe Stef wasn’t completely straight, and maybe she was separated from her husband, but that didn’t mean single. Stef was married, with a child. And Lena wasn’t going to be that person. She was better than that.

But why, she thinks to herself as she buries her face in the couch cushion, does being a good person have to hurt so much?

She doesn’t let herself look at Stef’s mark on her wrist, still blacker than the night.

__

Stef remains sitting on the couch long after Lena leaves. It takes her a while to process what happened, and even longer to process her emotions.

She finally glances down at her lovemark, and sees that it’s still black as anything. A wave of relief washes over her, giving her clarity. She knows what she has to do tomorrow. It’s going to be a long, hard day, but if it has a chance of getting her Lena? She’ll do anything.  
__

Telling Mike is difficult. When she calls him first thing in the morning, asking if there’s anyway he can meet her so they can discuss their relationship, she bites her lip in worry at the hopefulness in his voice. 

Mike was able to drop Brandon off at his parents on the way to meet Stef, for which she is so grateful. She explains to Mike that their marriage is over, that she’s fallen for someone else, that she’s gay. He’s shocked, understandably so, and she hates that she’s causing pain to him. He’s a good man, a good father. That being said, she feels relief as she gets back into her car, that she was finally able to be honest about herself to someone that mattered.

Her father’s next on her list. His reaction is considerably worse than Mike, which Stef had predicted, however it still hurt. She leaves as soon as she can, Frank’s admonishes ringing in her ears, and she has to sit in her car for several minutes, fighting back tears, before she’s even able to drive away.

Stef swings by her mother’s house, but Sharon isn’t home. Stef heads home, eating a hasty dinner of leftover Chinese food, then tries calling her mother with plans to leave a message on her answering machine. She’s caught off guard when Sharon answers, having just gotten home from a day out with friends, but she manages to tell her mother about ending her marriage with Mike, and realizing her true identity. After asking Stef if she was sure she was really a lesbian or maybe it was a phase, Sharon was somewhat accepting and happy for her daughter. Stef’s relieved she sort of has one parent on her side, at least.

Jenna and Kelly are thrilled when she calls them and tells them. Kelly congratulates her, while Stef can hear Jenna yelling “I knew it!” in the background. She makes them promise not to say anything to Lena until she actually has a chance to talk to her, to which they promise on the condition that the four of them can go on a double date sometime. Stef can only hope that things work out that way.

After calling a couple friends at the police force and telling them too, to positive support, there’s only one call left that she needs to make. Breathing slowly, she dials the number and holds the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” Lena’s lilting voice comes through the receiver, and Stef’s breath catches for a moment.

“It’s me,” she says, and bites her lip.

She can hear Lena sigh softly. “Stef-” Lena begins, but Stef interrupts.

“Wait. I don’t want to talk on the phone. Can we meet? Tomorrow, maybe? Please?”

The line is silent for a moment, and if it weren’t for the sound of Lena’s breathing, Stef might think she’d hung up. “Please? I just need to talk to you in person,” she adds.

“Okay,” Lena finally replies, and Stef exhales. 

“Thank you,” she says. “You’re working, right? What time is best for you?” If Lena’s willing to meet her, Stef’s willing to call out sick if necessary.

“I’ll be at school until four,” Lena tells her. 

“Okay, I’ll be there at four,” Stef tells her. “Thank you.”

She hangs up, and breathes another slow sigh of relief.  
__

Lena struggles to focus all day. All she can think of is seeing Stef later, and keeps rehearsing what she wants to say in her head. Because even though she’s hurting, Lena knows that putting an end to their friendship is the right step.

By the time four rolls around, Lena’s resigned herself to the idea that she’ll be working late to finish getting her tasks completed for the day. At least she’ll have something to focus on after her conversation.

She heads outside, and immediately sees Stef in the parking lot. Their cars are the only two there, the principal and vice principal having already left, so at least they’ll have some privacy. Steeling herself, she walks over. 

“I’m not doing this,” she says, before Stef has a chance to open her mouth. “I’m not. I’m not getting involved with a married woman. Women like you are just passing through, but this is where I live, Stef.”

“I told Mike,” says Stef bluntly, offering a small smile. “And I told my dad, and all of my - well, most of my friends. I told them I’m gay. I even used the word lesbian,” she adds, but Lena keeps staring at her. “I told them that I met a woman that I can’t live without,” Stef continues. “And I belong with you, Lena.”

Stef pauses again, waiting for Lena’s reaction. Lena just stands there, staring at her, and Stef has no idea what she’s thinking right now. 

“That is, if you’ll have me,” Stef adds after a pause, biting her lip slightly. There’s a buzzing in her head and her stomach is lead and she’s frozen, waiting for Lena to say anything.

“You had me at lesbian,” Lena replies, a smile forming. 

Relief washes over Stef, and she grins back. She reaches for Lena’s hands, tugging her forward, so she can slip her own arms around Lena’s waist. They lock eyes, smiling, before leaning in to finally kiss.

It feels like fireworks, for both of them. Their kiss lasts for seconds, or maybe hours, neither woman is quite sure, and they’re both a little shell shocked as they eventually pull apart.

At the same moment, they each feel a strong sensation on their wrists. Leaning back slightly, they bring their hands out, palms facing upwards, and gasp slightly as they see their marks.

“Soul marks,” breathes Lena. She’s never actually seen anyone with soul marks before, only read about them in books. They were incredibly rare, and she has to double take to make sure she’s seeing it right.

“Our lovemarks became soul marks?” Stef asks, gazing at the gold streaks on their wrists, replacing the previous solid black lines.

“I think so,” Lena replies. “Wow.”

“Wow,” Stef echoes. “Now I’m really glad I came out.”

Lena chuckles, and pulls Stef closer, sliding her arms around her waist. They stand in an embrace for several moments, before a beep comes from Stef’s pocket. 

She pulls back to check her pager. “It’s work, but not important,” Stef tells her.

“Where’s Brandon?” Lena asks. 

“With my mom,” Stef replies. “She’s keeping him for me for the evening, and is going to drop him off at preschool for me tomorrow. She was the one who offered, after I talked to her yesterday. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how well she took my coming out, but she does think it’s important to talk. So we do have the whole night together.” She shakes her head with a smirk, and Lena chuckles. “I’m not actually suggesting we jump into bed together though,” Stef adds, turning serious. “I just figured we could use the night to talk. There’s a lot I need to tell you. Like how I filed for divorce today.”

Lena’s eyebrows raise, and she reaches for Stef. She pulls her into a hug, and they stand together for several moments before pulling away. “How are you feeling about that?” Lena asks her.

Stef smiles ruefully. “I feel good. The only part I’m sorry for is that I guess I hurt Mike. At the end of the day, he’s a good guy. But the marriage has been over for a while, and taking this step means I can be true to my feelings. And it means I can do this.” She leans forward and places a soft kiss on Lena’s lips, smiling into the kiss as she feels the warmth radiating from their soulmarks.

“Want to come to my place?” Lena offers as they pull away. “We can order in Chinese food, open a bottle of wine, and talk about everything.”

“Sounds perfect,” Stef replies. “Do you have much left here?” she asks, gesturing back to school.

Lena thinks of the pile of work waiting for her on her desk, then shakes her head. She’ll just do it tomorrow. “No, I’ll just need to go in and clean up, and get my purse,” Lena tells her. “It’ll only take me five minutes, if you want to wait, and we can just go in one car.”

“Good idea,” Stef says, and follows Lena inside. She waits patiently while Lena packs up, and grins as Lena slips a hand into hers. They head to Lena’s car, and drive the whole way back to Lena’s still holding hands, and several times Stef catches herself starting at their hands. She kind of can't believe this is happening.

When they arrive, Lena unlocks the front door, and leads Stef to the lounge room. They sit, knees touching, and Lena turns their clasped hands over to look at their soul marks. Just the sight of the glimmering gold streaks is enough to catch her breath for a moment.

“It’s kind of incredible, isn’t it?” Stef says to her softly.

Lena nods, reaching out with her free hand to trace her mark, and then Stef’s. Stef lets out an involuntary shiver at the touch, and Lena grins.

“I never even knew what soulmarks were, or that lovemarks could turn into soulmarks after a first kiss, until I was in high school,” Stef admits. “I’ve never met anyone with them, but a friend told me that she had distant relatives with them. I didn’t know how rare they were.”

“I know. I had elderly neighbours when I lived in my last apartment, they had soulmarks, but I’d never met anyone else with them,” Lena replies. “And now we have them. I kind of can’t believe it.”

Stef reaches a hand to stroke Lena’s cheek. Their eyes meet, and Stef offers her a warm smile. “I just want you to know, I’m all in, okay?” she says. “As long as you’ll have me. I know I come with more baggage, because of Mike, and I also have Brandon, but as long as you’ll have me, I’m all in.”

“Oh Stef, I’m all in too,” Lena replies softly. “I love you, and I love Brandon, and I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you.”

Stef leans forward, hesitating slightly, so Lena closes the gap and presses their lips together. This kiss is even more incredible than their first, and she doesn’t hesitate to deepen it further. They spend the next few moments like this, until the need to breathe becomes too strong and they separate. 

“Have you talked to Brandon at all about this?” Lena asks her, biting her lip.

“Not that you and I are together,” Stef replies. “However, I talked to him the other night, to explain that Daddy and I probably weren’t ever going to live together again, and he took that really well. He said I was happier now, although I feel like you’re a big part of that.”

Lena dips her head, blushing slightly, and Stef gets her attention with a small kiss. “No really, there’s something I need to tell you that he did say,” Stef says. Lena’s nervous by the words, but Stef’s tone is warm and happy, so she waits patiently. “After I told him about Mike and I, he asked when he was going to see you next. And then he said to me, ‘Mommy, you should live with Lena, she makes you happy too.”

Lena’s mouth drops open in surprise. “Really?” she asks, and has to blink rapidly to calm her watering eyes.

“Yep,” Stef replies. She presses another soft kiss to Lena’s lips, then rests their heads together. “This is going to work out. We have a whole future together to look forward to.”


End file.
